The blues..

Had a school reunion, was afraid to go cause i wouldn't be able to see her face. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to go because if I went, and she didn't come, I'd end up drinking the night away missing her.

3 pegs of whiskey later.. I knew that i needed to go.. I needed the chance to meet her.. and yet i was shit scared.. Completely terrified. I needed that slap across my face. I needed to slap someone the way i slapped him.

He lent me cash and i left. And i went there. And i saw them all in their full loserness. All wannabes. All hoping to prove to the world that they were happy with their crappy meaningless lives. And it was fun, seeing other ppl like me. And then i saw her. She came through the door. She said hi to a couple of ppl, and then she came and hugged me, and kissed me on my cheek, gently. And I was happy, I was so happy. I wanted to tell her how i felt. I wanted to tell her, to beg her, to come back to me. But i didn't, I couldn't. I loved her too much.

And before I could muster up the courage to tell her how i felt, she was gone. And i was alone, and scared.
I ended up sleeping on the train that night. Too drunk to walk straight.

The sad part is. Im ready to go through all of it again, if i could just have her walk into the door and kiss me on my cheek, just once more.

So it hits.. finally

Hemendra K. Srivastava
AIR 226
IIT Bombay CS Dual
National Physics Olympiad Training camp

CPI 5.93
1 FR
6th sem

Acheivements in IIT.
Learnt Nothing.
Played Guitar but didnt do too much.
Played Aoe, played Dota.. useless
Became an MI CG.. dont see how that gets me into princeton.
Got sajid elected in insti elections twice. SHows leadership. no proof
hmm...

Why? Why is my life so destroyed.. so much potential. And potentially no acheivements.

7th March 2008
21st Birthday
I looked at my mother's face. That sad face. That hopeful face. That face filled with so much love and fear.
Today.. i started studying.. I quit dota.. i reverted to occasional drinking.. I decided to change my life.. I decided that no matter what.. i was going to do the whole university thing.. i had to. it was my aim. my goal. my dream.

8th March 2008. Spent the whole day watching Gilmore Girls.. Rory Gilmore goes to Yale. I wish i could to. some day, some how. I needed to, i had to. I can. I will, I must.

10th March 2008
Decided to drop one of my 4 courses.
This sem cannot become too good no matter what i try. I will do the course later. and Own.

The quest continues. The dream lives on. I will fight. I will fight Reality until it engulfs me whole. until it is assured that i can fight no longer.
Asta la Vista Bebe